Sometimes I wish I was a mom who didn't know how how to put a onesie on a baby without going over his head, because you can't unplug his oxygen. Who didn't know the trick to getting tape residue from an IV out of your baby's fine hair. Who didn't know 4 positions to try to relieve the pain of her son's reflux. Who didn't know what a bradycardia is. Or a desat. Who didn't know what the acronyms NIPPV or CPAP stand for. Who didn't know the pit thar forms in your stomach when the hospital calls you during the few hours you are away from the bedside.
Sometimes I wish I was a mom who didn't hear alarms going off in my sleep. Who didn't eat more meals in a hospital room than at home. Who didn't panic when an unknown number calls your phone because it's probably a nurse.
Sometimes I wish I was a mom who knew what it felt like to leave the hospital with her baby. Who knew what it's like to put in a car seat. Who knew what it was like to wake up to comfort a crying baby, instead of turning off the alarm reminding you it's time to pump.Who had at least one picture of her baby without anything taped to his face.
But if my wishes came true, I wouldn't have seen the beautiful reunion between a Dr. and a former preemie patient in the hall this morning. I wouldn't have met so many amazing, strong men and women who are good examples to me. I wouldn't have felt the outpouring of love from dozens of friends and family members who keep me going. I wouldn't have strengthened my testimony of the power of prayer, fasting, and the Priesthood.
If my wishes came true, I wouldn't have learned about the amazing work that goes into one functioning human body. Or know the gratitude that I feel when that body works correctly.
But if all my wishes came true, I wouldn't be this little guy's mom. And he really makes it all worth it.
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